I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
