I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dick very happy bro
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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