hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
