how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
