He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
