I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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