Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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