I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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