My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
