Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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