Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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