Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
