her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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