I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he just fucked me for my cheese.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
