I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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