we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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