i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
