the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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