Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
