I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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