When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i now understand why vodka
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
