i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
