how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
