My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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