Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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