He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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