why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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