My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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