I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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