I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's never too late to be topless.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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