just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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