lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
