remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
