She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize