I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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