so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
