Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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