I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
