May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
