need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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