im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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