Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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