Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
