you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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