I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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