I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
