i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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