Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
