Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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