actually, I'm a sock model
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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