First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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