She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
