So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
