I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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