I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
