my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
this hospital has no fireball
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
