I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
