i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
