i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
