we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
