what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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