Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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