how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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