I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Randomize
