3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
