i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize
