he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
