I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
smell my finger.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
