Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
