Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
