I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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