you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
