She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
