You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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