How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
smell my finger.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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