So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
