Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
