I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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