I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
