What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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